Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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