Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
