Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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