doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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