how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
