i just wanna soil my oats bro
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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