I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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