its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
