think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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