After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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