Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
