you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
