What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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