In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
