I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
