i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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