I'm really into asian looking animals
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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