And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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