you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize