she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My ass is underappreciated
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
