So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize