just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
