Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
