About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Boobs speak an international language.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
