i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
