my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
