i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
