Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
