it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
