no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize