just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You need Xanax blowdarts
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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