I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
