You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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