just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
