We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize