I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
