HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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