We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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