I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
