The best revenge is premature balding
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
