I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
