My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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