Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
