he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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