Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
