No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize