Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
