it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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