I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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