Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
