i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
