well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
