You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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