Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
