He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
