i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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