I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
