I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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