umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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