In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
