They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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