her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
