so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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