Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
