One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
