We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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