These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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