Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
