For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
