How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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