ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
