so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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