i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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