If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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