just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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