Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
