WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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