he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
