the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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