i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
