A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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