We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
