...so i touched it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
