Can i not drive my cunt home
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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